Dating In a World of Non Dating

Being 26 never married and single has never been so hard. I’m at a place in my life that I’m completely content in myself and who I am and ready for a partner, but dating is so fucking hard! I mean don’t get me wrong, I know the difference between dating and hooking up. I can count on one hand my “hook ups”. Im talking about dating. Having conversation about beliefs and goals, going on dates, telling someone you like them without them blocking you and saying you got too clingy because heaven forbid you express how you’re feeling. Im talking about REAL dating. When he leaves and says “I’ll call you” and he calls you. When he makes plans to see you over the weekend and keeps them.

This whole “I don’t wanna get tied down” thing is really annoying. My mother raised a pretty level headed, honest young woman. So when I tell some one I like them or that I’m looking forward to seeing them again and they hit me with the “I’m not looking for anything serious” I get thrown off. Why are we here? Why have you paid for drinks, food, taken my time? (multiple times) I don’t wanna meet your parents or even your friends for a while. I just like you and you make me feel good but for some reason that means I’m getting too attached. Whats wrong with wanting a relationship anyway? That word seems to freak so many people out. Im not ready for a relationship, I’m not good at relationships, when in fact everyone who says this has substantial relationships in they’re life, from family to friends to co workers. The definition of relationship is; The way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected. For instance, we have met, go on dates, we have sex, we talk about more then the weather and what we had for lunch. We have at least a friendship at this point and hopefully a mutual respect, thats a RELATIONSHIP!  Regardless of the fact if its committed, exclusive, or serious, its something connecting to people on basic levels, its a relationship.

Why in the world is everyone so guarded to begin with? Heart break aside, why are so many people so scared to share normal details or open up a little? Like devolving that information exposes you up unimaginable vulnerability. Not the case. Further more, liking someone and telling them so does not make you weak, it makes you human. We’re all so hung up on who texts first and who says they like the other first, like these things get the upper hand. News flash, there is no upper hand when your falling for someone. If you break up, yes, if you are fighting, yes, but while in the courtship faze or casual faze, there is no upper hand. You are both new to each other and just trying to understand one another. How else are we going to get to know each other ? Dating is a middle ground that no ones willing to acknowledge. Its where we decide whether this is something worth keeping around or moving on. Its the part in a relationship that is supposed be about learning and understanding what exactly each person wants, but has become so difficult.  As easy as I’m making this sound in my head I forget that “games” are very prevalent. I know every one doesn’t play head games but it seems the few that do, ruin it for every one else, who aren’t trying to jerk one another around.

So whether its meeting some one online, in a bar or being set up. The obstacles we/I face as a woman with a sense of self, a moderate moral code and the notion that “dating” means we want to get to know each other, are endless! I can’t tell you I like you. I can’t ask too many questions. I can’t text you too much and if I call I have hit a whole new level of crazy. So this is where I’m at, where a lot of us are at, stuck between a rock and a relationship and everyone need to netflix and chill the fuck out, its a date not a death sentence.

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