Something I Didn’t Know I Needed

I recently had a very close friend of mine apologize to me in a very big way. After deciding where to sit,  if we needed a shot first and  45 minutes of build up they read me a very detailed, personal, beautifully worded letter about how our relationship had suffered for the past few years. They said while looking back at how things had changed our relationship in a bad way and the time that had been lost could never be regained, going forward should be on a new level of love and respect. It ended with them saying the anger they had harbored trying to forgive me was not what the problem was but that they were hoping I could forgive them for the  years of push back, and negativity they inflicted upon our relationship.

My tears were flowing before they were half way through reading it and by the end it was quiet sob. We stared at each other and then fell into a hug just to pull back and see they were crying too. Not only was it healing and revealing, it was the most beautiful thing anyone had ever written to me. To my surprise it was something I didn’t know I needed. Although I see and hangout with this person regularly and had forgiven them for the things that were said and done awhile ago, them formally apologizing and asking for forgiveness hit me the core.  It changed our dynamic, filled a void I didn’t know was there.

That night I laid in bed thinking about this relationship that was so dear to me and had been mended in all aspects now. This was no small thing in my eyes and in thinking that I realized these words that are over used, “I’m sorry” and “Will you forgive me”, held a whole new meaning. Being a girl that has heard a lot of “sorries” form friends aaaand boyfriends just to get repeat behavior, its hard to hold a lot of respect for the word. But when delivered in such a sincere, transparent way, it did what it was intended to do. It healed us and brought two people back to a place of equanimity.

Being the young hearted 26 year old I am, I can count on one hand the few profound moments I’ve had in my life. Two, to be exact and this rolls in number three. Not to be the cliche apology receiver by saying things are different now, things had been different for awhile. This was just the sealing factor. It was something I never thought would happen but I would continue to love my friend regardless. Like I said in the beginning it was something I didn’t know I needed. Closure. I knew we were on better terms but for them to take the time and acknowledge the hurt that had been between us is something I will cherish forever, the ending to a long tumultuous chapter.

I’v never been good at saying I’m sorry, I attribute that mostly to my age and pride (working on that by the way). So taking more than the healing this apology did on my heart, I learned just how important a sincere honest apology is. Don’t get me wrong don’t go apologizing for things that were true but hard to hear or things that were done but necessary for your truth. But the real things done or said that were unwarranted, un founded, said out of anger or sadness. Things that you wake up regretting or second guessing. Things done with carelessness or malicious intent. Its important to apologize for the things we do wrong and it doesn’t matter how late/long you may be getting to that realization, as long as you reach that point. When you do it not only will it help heal the wounds you left on someone else but also have a cathartic effect on you. Its essential, whether the relationship is over, in limbo or salvageable, to make things right. So to end this the way they ended their letter to me…

Love you now & always.

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  1. Iris says:

    Very well said 😘😘

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