We’re Doing It Wrong

Ok I’m gonna do it again! I’m talking about dating. I saw a meme the other day that rang so true for me, I reposted it, saved it, and sent it to a few friends.  It read, “When I was young I wanted to be married by 23.  Lets all take a moment and laugh together.” and its so true!  When I was in high school I would have bet money on this but here I am.  In this jungle/limbo we call modern dating. A world I didn’t plan for when I went bright eyed and bushy tailed out of my parents house at 18.  Twenty-six, I now find myself in a place more suited for a specific level of hell from Dante’s Inferno, then what I prepared myself for as a young girl.

This place I’m at now, that I all us single girls are at now, is a world in which you debate on sending “Hey” instead of “Heeeey” for fear that you may come off too strong or spending the proper 90 seconds it takes to decide to swipe left or right. Its keeping track of who text who first, and seeing how it was you its clear you must now wait on them to start the conversation today.  Its a world of passive aggressive Facebook post and whether or not he’s gonna be irritated at the fact that you wanna go OUT and not spend night number three “hanging out” at his place on the couch. Which unceremoniously turns into sex. Its where people post memes about loyalty but when it comes to someone your dating, oh I’m sorry, someone you’re sleeping with bi weekly, and have the gull to ask about the exclusivity of you two, you’re met with distance, clingy remarks and probably an end to whatever THAT was.

Do you want to know why things are this way? Because this modern dating labyrinth is a game, and like all games you play by the rules or you lose. What are the rules you ask? Well, don’t come on to strong, its a delicate balance of not giving a shit mixed with the right kind of attention so that you seem interested, but could also care less if this doesn’t work out. Another one, don’t ever share how you’re truly feeling or ask “what are we” because these are things no one wants to address. Nothing is more than casual, obviously, despite the fact you have been sleeping together for weeks now. DO not, and I repeat, do not attempt to call to talk about this issue or any others over the phone. Instead, text your carefully scripted inquiry so that you can wait in debilitating anxiety for a response that you have to pretend to be ok with either way or for one that doesn’t come at all. This is the game, play or be played. And heaven forbid anyone fall in love.

So here I sit. A night in, with a quiet phone, and no potential candidates for something long term. Iv never been one to go out in hopes of meeting someone, I just simply like getting out of the house for a drink or two. But what would be the point right now? The thought of going out to a bar in the specific nature of meeting someone seems daunting and tiresome. Mostly because that type of environment breeds that dating game we’re forced to play.

So I  have made some decisions, when someone ask what I’m looking for, I  say, “a long term relationship”. My Tinder matches that ask me what I’m on here for, I tell them “a husband”. Because, whats the end game here people?! Are we just gonna be a bunch of single people that eventually knock each other up and never get married. Not dating-dating-kinda serious-serious-break up-make up-break up- oh, pregnant! Is  this actually what this modern dating world creates? Chronic singles who happen to have kids together? For all the 20 something couples with kids that still check the “single” box on forms, that doesn’t suck? Like at all?

For me, right now, I’m done. I’ve never been an unhappy single person and I’ve never been single this long (ONE YEAR) and its not that bad. I’m done with flings. Done with tip toeing around feelings that may or may not be there and I’m done with the overall premise that a serious relationship is treated like the plague we must strategically avoid at all costs. I don’t get it. So let’s do each other a favor, let’s respect the feelings someone might have for us and greet them with our own honesty no matter what that might be. Stop ignoring or “ghosting” people until they finally get the hint and stop reaching out. Answer the phone, or better yet, make the call that says you’re not interested. Drake said it best “We live in a generation of, not being in love, and not being together. But we sure make it feel like we’re together cause we’re scared to see each other with somebody else.”- Doing It Wrong, because we sure the hell are….


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